At one stage in my life I found myself encountering a stubborn revenue plateau in my business. It lasted for about two years and during this time, no matter what I threw at it – no matter what funnel or offer or agency or contractor I hired – nothing worked to shift the dial. I didn’t realise it then I was stuck in the mirror of reality.
It was the most frustrating thing, but now with the grace of time, I can see why it happened just so, it is so very obvious.
You see, at that time I had been starting to feel creatively trapped by my business. I wanted a new challenge, truthfully I wanted to talk to entrepreneurs about mindset but my entire career and identity had been built around media buying and I felt like an imposter so I denied myself the exploration of this new desire. I was afraid that if I suddenly left the business I had spent so many years growing up that I would become a failure, that I would lose it all, and that I would not be able to support myself financially.
It seems silly to read these thoughts back now, but back then they were paralysing and they kept me stuck.
And I grew very unhappy. My confidence began to plummet, and the revenues shrunk.
The more I stayed, the more fearful I became, defensive, cynical. And the more my life started to unravel. Launches would turn into false starters, payroll was a stressful stretch each month. Employees started to leave and I took this on as a betrayal, and the more betrayed I felt, the more a cascade of more betrayals took root. It was just one giant shit show.
It took for someone to tell me in passing one day that when they experienced their existential crisis, they had realised all the bad things happening were really just mirrors of themselves, for me to finally connect with this truth again.
I had already known this to be true with attracting money. Back in 2017 when my agency took off, it was because I began doing mindset work where I embodied wealth and success – the whole premise being that this would then be reflected back to me. And reflect back to me it did!
I realised then and there with a sinking, light bulb moment so to speak, that I had been chasing and pushing against my reality in search of creative freedom and fulfilment – and the more I did this, the more disconnected and depressed I began. All the while, the feeling of purpose and enthusiasm was within me all along, and that if I could teach myself this state again – unconditional to what my business or role in the business was – then my actions and behaviours would also begin to reflect those of an inspired and enthusiastic individual and therefore reality would mirror this back.
Mechanics of Mirroring
Reality as a mirror may sound far fetched a woo woo but it’s really common sense.
Think about it this way: when you feel fulfilled and purposeful, you show up differently in your personal life, in your business and relationships than when you feel unworthy, fearful, and doubtful. True or true?
The entrepreneur that thinks they are doomed to fail will have far less chances of success than the one who believes that it is possible and that they will succeed.
The founder who believes money comes with sacrifice will be far less likely to be able to attain wealth without subscribing to a hero’s journey or burnout than the one who believes money can and should be made with ease.
Similarly, the moment a CEO begins to question themselves or the business on a regular and ongoing basis is the moment that that business is in deep trouble.
Why is this important to grasp? Well, if reality is a mirror, then to make our internal state of wellbeing conditional on outside circumstances is asking for trouble. It also explains why we find ourselves stuck in cycles and disruptive patterns.
The entrepreneur that thinks they will succeed will possess resilience, and therefore they will succeed…
And so, if we wish to change our realities, we MUST shift our internal compass first.
We must develop the ability to feel worthy, abundant, successful, joyful, and well WITHOUT strings attached. To love ourselves unconditionally of the outside world.
When we feel tension in our state it is always because we are stopping the flow of love to ourselves, caused by a limited perspective or thought pattern.
We have made that part of ourselves conditional on the outside and the tension is our internal compass telling us that we have veered off course from where we truly desire to be. The tension is the awareness of the gap in perspective from where you are to where you want to be.
What’s interesting here is that we would never do this to a loved one. We give unconditional love to our children – they could become serial killers and we would still love them. We expect unconditional love from our partners – that they will stand by our side no matter the circumstances.
But when it comes to ourselves, well all of a sudden, that’s not how life works. Our love for ourselves DOES come with fine print and strings attached.
When we heal this relationship with ourselves, AND marry this with a desire, we grow and expand in ways beyond what we could even have imagined for ourselves.